In the last month or so has been some big changes (thank goodness because I was ready/needed these changes) For one Jamie and I finally moved out of our basement apartment into a condo that we are renting. Its crazy to think that just moving can change how you feel! Being in that basement apartment, I was so unhappy and was not helping with the depression I was feeling with my infertility. Last month I also tried something new with my Clomid and cycle monitoring. I went in August 16 for my ultra sound and blood work. They were impressed that I had a very large follicle (one of the biggest I'd had EVER!) I then got a script for a trigger shot that would make me ovulate the next day which meant I had to give myself a needle. I was pretty thrilled because I thought this time around HAD to be it with taking this trigger shot. So I did exactly what they had told me to do and did my 2 week wait and of course got a big ole negative. Normally when I get negative pregnancy test I'm pretty sad and depressed after but this time around I was pretty numb. I've gotten use to all these let downs that its starting to become just a normal thing every month.
Anywho on to another change we have had! Yesterday I had another appointment with my fertility doctor and she asked how I was feeling about things and of course I said the Clomid has run its course and I'm ready to move on. My doctor agreed with me and said she felt that its time to get more aggressive with our treatment. We are now starting injections, I started yesterday my injections of puregon which will help my follicles grow bigger ( Suppose to have 2-3 large follicles and I was only making 1 large follicle). I will be injecting myself for 8 days straight once I have done these injections I will go in for an ultra sound to see how my follicles are growing. After that Jamie and I will go back in a few days for Insemination ... yes I said it... INSEMINATION! With the insemination they will do a sperm wash and a couple hours after whatever sperm they find is the best they will be inseminating me. I'm super excited and nervous, this is costing so much money and if this doesn't work well I just don't even know what to say... Hopefully next week will be the week we do this.
I also just wanted to say to all friends and family that if you feel I have been very distant in the last little bit it is because I'm honestly trying not to think about things and I find whenever I see friends people are always asking about things so I have just avoided a lot of conversation, I also just need some space and just have some me and Jamie time. So I apologize for not being around more but this time right now is well needed to think about things and the steps we need to take to make us parents.
Please keep us in your thoughts because I'm praying this works and with the money being spent ... well its kind of the only hope we have in becoming parents.
Baby dust to those in need
Stef xo
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Waiting is the Hardest Part
Its been quite sometime since I last wrote. It has been a hard go for myself and I found that I was just getting sick of talking about being infertile and what has been going on with me and my journey to pregnancy. Most of all I got sick of people asking me about how things were going and then having to put their 2 cents in on what I should be doing or telling me oh don't worry it will happen! I always feel like screaming YOU HAVE KNOW IDEA THAT IT WILL HAPPEN OR NOT AND IF I WANTED YOUR OPINION ON WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING, I'D ASK!!! It is so extremely frustrating but I know that no one will ever understand what I'm feeling especially if they never had problems with getting pregnant. Even to try and explain it ... well they're just isn't any words to describe the pain and emptiness I feel.
As for what's been going on with my doctors apt in Toronto at Mt. Sinai , well we are kind of at a stand still. Last month we did cycle monitoring while being on 150 mg of Clomid. I did ovulate (yahoo) but I did not get pregnant. It was a hard month for me because Jamie and I did everything the doctors told us and our timing was perfect. So now I keep asking myself why didn't it happen?? I feel so disappointed because I truly thought that this was the month it would happen since I was being watched closely. Of course AF showed up the day I was suppose to test and I knew it was over... on to another month of trying. So as of now I have finished another 7 days of clomid and go back next week to check my follicles and see if they are maturing and will drop again. I'm trying my hardest to just not think about things this month. I just don't want to deal with being sad again after more disappointment of another month going by and no baby in my tummy.
At this point I'm still a little heart broken that last month wasn't it but I suppose I need to buck up and give it all I got this month. (easier said then done tho)
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
A Trip to T.O every week.... No Biggie!
Hello folks!!
Its been wayyyy to long since my last post and so much for me to share. I'm kind of bursting at the seams to share, not that its huge news of being pregnant.... though I wish that were it! After all the testing and weird awkward appointments, 2 weeks ago Jamie and I had the BIG appointment to hear whether we have any other issues going on (other then PCOS and Hypothyroidism).
The night before I couldn't sleep, I had a million scenarios going threw my head, will I ever get to be a mommy?? I hugged my little dog Percy and thought maybe you will be the only baby I get to have in this life. Which I would be somewhat okay with because she is just so dam cute, but unlike children dogs have very limited time on earth... what would I do when she's gone... Anyways keeping on track here haha , I finally settled to sleep and before you know it my alarm had gone off and it was time to hit the road. We decided to maybe ease the mood and stop in at the Eaton Center and do a little retail therapy. I didn't buy anything other then a book from Chapters, I just couldn't stop thinking about was going to happen in our appointment.
We made our way over to the clinic and was called in by my doctors intern. We were told that everything looks great my uterus looks good, the rest of my blood work was good, lots of eggs. So then what was the issue.... well my issue is I'm not ovulating.... no eggs are dropping. Any period that I was getting was called a break threw period which is when the lining in your uterus gets so thick that the only thing for it to do is have a period. ( So no egg is being released ). I was heartbroken.... well I still am. All these month's of ovulation tests and taking Clomid, and trying to nail down ovulation .... ugh I wanted to cry because it was all for nothing. Of course my hubby spit out well how do we make her ovulate, how do we fix this??? That's when our doctor pulled out the pamphlets for injections. I knew before she even said anything this is now going to cost us a pretty penny to have a child. I find it sad that for couples who want a baby badly there is a price tag when being able to have a child should be a right for everyone and free! Anyways we were told that for these injections it would be about $1000 a cycle but we should find out at least if our health benefits would cover some of it. My doctor said also that these injections are a lot stronger then any oral fertility medication and if we did decide to go this route that I would have to come in on a regular basis to have internal ultrasounds done and blood work to track when I'm ovulating and to make sure my body is adjusting okay and that I'm NOT going to carry like 6 babies at once. I naturally thought okay lets do this, I want injected today but of course that is not how things work unfortunately (plus I was mid cycle). So this is our plan my doctor has set up for me: Once I get my period I'm suppose to take 250mg of Clomid. After that the following week I will be going 3x's to Toronto to have blood work and internal ultra sounds. This is all to double check that I'm not ovulating and if I do happen to ovulate on the high dose of clomid they are going to nail down the time and day we need to make a baby. If nothing happens then the next cycle will be my first month on injections. So we are REALLY hoping that the higher dose of clomid makes me ovulate to save us $1000 a month. The cool news is that I will be partnered up with a RN who is going to make all this a lot easier and get us in and out of the office a lot quicker. I suppose I can breathe a little knowing that there is a plan set out for us.
Its funny though both Jamie and I as we were sitting in the waiting room we both talked how we never thought in a million years we would be sitting in a fertility clinic in Toronto. I knew I had issues but I thought it was something that could be solved by my own doctor in Peterborough. You just kind of assume that it will be easy... I spent years avoiding pregnancy and protecting myself and now to know I didn't really need to stress over it because apparently my eggs don't want to leave my ovaries.
Well that was one of my exciting visits with Dr. Lui and tomorrow I meet with my endocrinologist Dr. Kumar ( I will kill Jamie if he makes a white castle joke to her haha) I'm not 100% on whats going to happen tomorrow, I didn't even know what a Endocrinologist was until I googled it. Basically all I was told was to bring ALL my medication and to expect my first appointment to be about an hour or 2. I look forward to getting some answers in regards to my low energy, and being tired all the time. I did however read up on hypothyroidism and pregnancy and apparently I would need to see my endocrinologist every 4 weeks to check my thyroid so I don't have a miscarriage. That kind of freaked me out but definitely worth asking Dr. Kumar tomorrow about!
That's all I got for updates right now, I still feel sad that I'm not looking down at my tummy and seeing a baby bump or even holding my own baby. I cry not because I'm feeling sorry for myself but I feel sad because I can't give my husband a child of his own ( I know Jamie doesn't care about that or anything but I do I want to be able to give him that gift and I can't ... at least until something works for me). I cry because my heart aches for a baby and every time I open the top drawer in my spare dresser and see the baby stuff I have purchased just sitting unused. It doesn't seem to get any easier... sometimes feels like I'm mourning a baby I've never had and just never getting over it.
Anyways Baby dust xoxoxoxo
Its been wayyyy to long since my last post and so much for me to share. I'm kind of bursting at the seams to share, not that its huge news of being pregnant.... though I wish that were it! After all the testing and weird awkward appointments, 2 weeks ago Jamie and I had the BIG appointment to hear whether we have any other issues going on (other then PCOS and Hypothyroidism).
The night before I couldn't sleep, I had a million scenarios going threw my head, will I ever get to be a mommy?? I hugged my little dog Percy and thought maybe you will be the only baby I get to have in this life. Which I would be somewhat okay with because she is just so dam cute, but unlike children dogs have very limited time on earth... what would I do when she's gone... Anyways keeping on track here haha , I finally settled to sleep and before you know it my alarm had gone off and it was time to hit the road. We decided to maybe ease the mood and stop in at the Eaton Center and do a little retail therapy. I didn't buy anything other then a book from Chapters, I just couldn't stop thinking about was going to happen in our appointment.
We made our way over to the clinic and was called in by my doctors intern. We were told that everything looks great my uterus looks good, the rest of my blood work was good, lots of eggs. So then what was the issue.... well my issue is I'm not ovulating.... no eggs are dropping. Any period that I was getting was called a break threw period which is when the lining in your uterus gets so thick that the only thing for it to do is have a period. ( So no egg is being released ). I was heartbroken.... well I still am. All these month's of ovulation tests and taking Clomid, and trying to nail down ovulation .... ugh I wanted to cry because it was all for nothing. Of course my hubby spit out well how do we make her ovulate, how do we fix this??? That's when our doctor pulled out the pamphlets for injections. I knew before she even said anything this is now going to cost us a pretty penny to have a child. I find it sad that for couples who want a baby badly there is a price tag when being able to have a child should be a right for everyone and free! Anyways we were told that for these injections it would be about $1000 a cycle but we should find out at least if our health benefits would cover some of it. My doctor said also that these injections are a lot stronger then any oral fertility medication and if we did decide to go this route that I would have to come in on a regular basis to have internal ultrasounds done and blood work to track when I'm ovulating and to make sure my body is adjusting okay and that I'm NOT going to carry like 6 babies at once. I naturally thought okay lets do this, I want injected today but of course that is not how things work unfortunately (plus I was mid cycle). So this is our plan my doctor has set up for me: Once I get my period I'm suppose to take 250mg of Clomid. After that the following week I will be going 3x's to Toronto to have blood work and internal ultra sounds. This is all to double check that I'm not ovulating and if I do happen to ovulate on the high dose of clomid they are going to nail down the time and day we need to make a baby. If nothing happens then the next cycle will be my first month on injections. So we are REALLY hoping that the higher dose of clomid makes me ovulate to save us $1000 a month. The cool news is that I will be partnered up with a RN who is going to make all this a lot easier and get us in and out of the office a lot quicker. I suppose I can breathe a little knowing that there is a plan set out for us.
Its funny though both Jamie and I as we were sitting in the waiting room we both talked how we never thought in a million years we would be sitting in a fertility clinic in Toronto. I knew I had issues but I thought it was something that could be solved by my own doctor in Peterborough. You just kind of assume that it will be easy... I spent years avoiding pregnancy and protecting myself and now to know I didn't really need to stress over it because apparently my eggs don't want to leave my ovaries.
Well that was one of my exciting visits with Dr. Lui and tomorrow I meet with my endocrinologist Dr. Kumar ( I will kill Jamie if he makes a white castle joke to her haha) I'm not 100% on whats going to happen tomorrow, I didn't even know what a Endocrinologist was until I googled it. Basically all I was told was to bring ALL my medication and to expect my first appointment to be about an hour or 2. I look forward to getting some answers in regards to my low energy, and being tired all the time. I did however read up on hypothyroidism and pregnancy and apparently I would need to see my endocrinologist every 4 weeks to check my thyroid so I don't have a miscarriage. That kind of freaked me out but definitely worth asking Dr. Kumar tomorrow about!
That's all I got for updates right now, I still feel sad that I'm not looking down at my tummy and seeing a baby bump or even holding my own baby. I cry not because I'm feeling sorry for myself but I feel sad because I can't give my husband a child of his own ( I know Jamie doesn't care about that or anything but I do I want to be able to give him that gift and I can't ... at least until something works for me). I cry because my heart aches for a baby and every time I open the top drawer in my spare dresser and see the baby stuff I have purchased just sitting unused. It doesn't seem to get any easier... sometimes feels like I'm mourning a baby I've never had and just never getting over it.
Anyways Baby dust xoxoxoxo
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Feeling Positive
I have a bit of an update since my last post and of course it is very positive or at least I can say I'm feeling hopeful. First thing is I started going to a chiropractor ( free care from car accident ) and on my first visit we discussed my infertility issues and medication I'm on and my chiropractor almost jumped out of his chair at the chance to talk to me about it. He has had a lot of patients that were struggling to get pregnant and after seeing him they got pregnant. Mind you it didn't happen right off the bat but after lots of treatment and adjustments it finally happened. I went for an X ray (part of what they do before they start working on you), when we reviewed my X ray I could see right away that my lower spine was tilted to the left and of course my chiropractor told me that could be a huge part of my infertility because my spine tilted could slow down blood flow to that area. I also have some neck issues which could be carrying a lot of stress and one big thing that doesn't help fertility is STRESS! I think at this point the chiropractor has been extremely helpful even if it doesn't do much for my fertility at least helping with my back issues and the work that I do.
Last Thursday I had my first appointment at Mount Sinai Fertility center in Toronto. Myself, Jamie and his mom made the trip to Toronto for this visit. It was a very nerve racking visit as it was unknown as to what would happen. I think we were all on edge about what was going to happen and with driving downtown Toronto just didn't help. We sat in the waiting room which was quite full so that was reassuring knowing that a lot of people have made this trip too! We were called into this tiny office where my doctors intern interviewed us about our current health and reviewing previous tests that both Jamie and I have done with our previous baby doctor. It was nice talking to this intern because he actually talked about our blood work and what everything means. Our previous doctor just basically said all is good and that was it. The intern said all my blood work was good, only issue was my thyroid levels were a bit low but it is something that tends to fluctuate. He discussed Jamie's semen test and that was all good! He felt our big issue was timing and smoking. Because I'm 27 he said everything seems to look really good but to be on the safe side they want to do some testing just to be able to cross that off and not waste time. We were then told that we both had to go for blood work and that on my cycle day 3 I would have to come back for a Ovarian Reserve Test and a Sonohysterogram anywhere between cycle day 5-10...... oh yeah and MORE blood work! After our appointment we raced to the lab and got our blood work done, 6 tubes of blood from me and 4 from Jamie.
Today (April 1st! yahoo) Jamie and myself got up at 5:00 am and made another drive to Toronto for my Ovarian Reserve Test. Basically what they do is an internal ultra sound and they look to see how thick my uterus lining is and how many resting follicles I have. As soon as I walked in I was sent in to get more blood work done and of course by a very crusty Russian lady who mumbled random stuff. Afterwards I was sent to a change room where you are gowned up for testing. It was a pretty amazing room, I wish I took a picture because they have this huge wall where people write why they want to be a mom. I would of wrote why I want to be a mom but all my reasons are the same as everyone else. So I gowned up and sat in a waiting room full of woman. We were then all sent to another waiting area where one at a time we all went in for our test. My turn came along and we went in (Jamie and myself) it was pretty tight squeeze in this room! There was 3 women in the room one was handling the ultra sound, one writing notes and another observing. It was pretty awkward I felt lol anyways I apparently have 15 follicles on the right and 13 on the left, lining was thin but nurse asked how old I was and once she heard I was 27 she stated "well that's why everything looks really healthy". I'm really feeling positive after both appointments especially if age really is a factor! All I have left is the rest of my blood work and my Sono test to do. The Sono test checks to see if there is a blockage in my tubes, its a 15 min procedure but apparently is kinda painful boo! I know though this is all going to worth it in the long run and if there isn't any problems they can help us nail down our timing!!
I also have more big news! I QUIT SMOKING!! I have officially gone 4 days without smoking. I thought it would be much more challenging but I keep reminding myself that its all for good reason. I know I would have to quit smoking once I got pregnant so figure I may as well do it now also because my doctor had recommended that! So 4 days no smoking and feeling good :)
Positive vibes and baby dust!!
Last Thursday I had my first appointment at Mount Sinai Fertility center in Toronto. Myself, Jamie and his mom made the trip to Toronto for this visit. It was a very nerve racking visit as it was unknown as to what would happen. I think we were all on edge about what was going to happen and with driving downtown Toronto just didn't help. We sat in the waiting room which was quite full so that was reassuring knowing that a lot of people have made this trip too! We were called into this tiny office where my doctors intern interviewed us about our current health and reviewing previous tests that both Jamie and I have done with our previous baby doctor. It was nice talking to this intern because he actually talked about our blood work and what everything means. Our previous doctor just basically said all is good and that was it. The intern said all my blood work was good, only issue was my thyroid levels were a bit low but it is something that tends to fluctuate. He discussed Jamie's semen test and that was all good! He felt our big issue was timing and smoking. Because I'm 27 he said everything seems to look really good but to be on the safe side they want to do some testing just to be able to cross that off and not waste time. We were then told that we both had to go for blood work and that on my cycle day 3 I would have to come back for a Ovarian Reserve Test and a Sonohysterogram anywhere between cycle day 5-10...... oh yeah and MORE blood work! After our appointment we raced to the lab and got our blood work done, 6 tubes of blood from me and 4 from Jamie.
Today (April 1st! yahoo) Jamie and myself got up at 5:00 am and made another drive to Toronto for my Ovarian Reserve Test. Basically what they do is an internal ultra sound and they look to see how thick my uterus lining is and how many resting follicles I have. As soon as I walked in I was sent in to get more blood work done and of course by a very crusty Russian lady who mumbled random stuff. Afterwards I was sent to a change room where you are gowned up for testing. It was a pretty amazing room, I wish I took a picture because they have this huge wall where people write why they want to be a mom. I would of wrote why I want to be a mom but all my reasons are the same as everyone else. So I gowned up and sat in a waiting room full of woman. We were then all sent to another waiting area where one at a time we all went in for our test. My turn came along and we went in (Jamie and myself) it was pretty tight squeeze in this room! There was 3 women in the room one was handling the ultra sound, one writing notes and another observing. It was pretty awkward I felt lol anyways I apparently have 15 follicles on the right and 13 on the left, lining was thin but nurse asked how old I was and once she heard I was 27 she stated "well that's why everything looks really healthy". I'm really feeling positive after both appointments especially if age really is a factor! All I have left is the rest of my blood work and my Sono test to do. The Sono test checks to see if there is a blockage in my tubes, its a 15 min procedure but apparently is kinda painful boo! I know though this is all going to worth it in the long run and if there isn't any problems they can help us nail down our timing!!
I also have more big news! I QUIT SMOKING!! I have officially gone 4 days without smoking. I thought it would be much more challenging but I keep reminding myself that its all for good reason. I know I would have to quit smoking once I got pregnant so figure I may as well do it now also because my doctor had recommended that! So 4 days no smoking and feeling good :)
Positive vibes and baby dust!!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Desperate People Do Desperate Things
I think the title of this entry pretty well explains what I'm writing about hah! In this past year Jamie and I have attempted some pretty weird shit in hopes of getting pregnant and thought I would share them. Hopefully someone that is trying to conceive reads this and takes my advice on what to try and what not to try. I can now laugh at the stuff I tried thinking it would work and wonder what the hell I was thinking!!
So one of the first things I tried out in hopes of helping us to conceive was the Diva Cup. For those that don't know exactly what it is well... it is a rubber cup (looks like a funnel) that woman use during they're period. The great thing about it is you keep this diva cup in for 12 hrs straight and just empty it out. Its genius no need to ever worry about running out of tampons or having to buy them for that matter AND no worries of leaking. Your probably wondering what it has to even do with conceiving, well word is online that if you insert the diva cup after doing the deed it will hold everything up in there and chances of a sperm attaching to your egg is greater. After reading this I went right out and picked up a diva cup which I think it was $25.00 or around there. Now this is where things get awkward, my first attempt at it was really scary ( now I can simply laugh about it!). I sat and read over the directions of how to insert this cup.... I think I had to read it over a few times and even youtube it cause I just stared at it wondering how this thing was going to even fit in me! My husband and I did our thing and then I kicked my husband out of the bedroom so I could try to get this thing in hahaha. Basically the easy part is putting the diva cup in BUT the taking out part .... that's a totally different story! After inserting I thought I would keep the cup in all night and remove in the morning. 12 hrs later I wake up and decide I need to take the cup out. Now I won't go into gory details but a bit of panic came over me when I couldn't get it out. Little did I know these bad boys suction on to your walls. To make things more complicated I had fake nails on so made things REALLY hard to get a good pinch on it haha. I called my husband in a panic telling him I couldn't get the darn thing out of me and that he was going to have to come home to help me or maybe take me to emerge. I think I would die of complete embarrassment having to go to the hospital. My husband in complete shock just kept asking "are you sure you can't get it out??". I had to get off the phone and thought okay I have to just do this and get it out. I finally got the diva cup out and huge sense of relief came over me. I cursed the dam thing and thought I would never use it again!! Well I did end up using it again, actually used it few more times. After getting the hang of it, it became way easier to insert and remove it. I got curious and decided I would ask my baby doctor what his thoughts were on the diva cup. When I asked him he had never heard of using the diva cup for what I was using it for and kind of laughed a bit. ( He must think I'm a crazy desperate woman) My baby doctor told me there is really no need to use the diva cup for that, when a male does his thang all the sperm that is going to attach will stay up there for at least 48 hrs. After hearing that I completely ditched my diva cup, although I do now use it during my periods and I will probably never go back to tampons or pads! I have saved so much money using the diva cup! My recommendation is to only use the diva cup for your periods NOT for conceiving!!
The next thing I tried out for conceiving was a product called "Pre-Seed". This product is meant for couples who are trying to conceive and need a little help with lubrication. Pre-seed works like cervical mucus to help sperm travel to the egg. Most other lubricants kill off sperm where as this stuff is meant to keep sperm strong and traveling to the right spot! In my research on the product a lot of woman gave this stuff a big thumbs up! So I figured I would give it a try even though I don't really have any issues with lubrication but suppose doesn't hurt to try. On the package it states to only use 2-3 g of it. Its kinda of cool though it comes with 9 syringes so that you don't get any of the product on your hands. I found that applying it was really easy and not messy at all. I will though say you definitely don't need 2-3g of this stuff!! I haven't used it again since I purchased it but when I do use it again I know now to only use like 1g of it or less. I asked my husband afterwards what his thoughts were on it and if it felt any different and he says didn't feel any different and would want me to use it again. I felt it made things a bit messy but if it helps my chances of pregnancy then I sure would use it again! Now this is my first cycle using Pre-Seed and if this cycle I got pregnant I would say it was mainly because of the pre-seed and my higher dose of Clomid.
A lot of my friends told me as well I need to put my legs up in the air after doing the deed. I know some of my pals that read this will know who they are hahaha! Anyways I have been doing this little trick every time my husband and I are intimate and my husband tends to look at me as though I've lost my dam marbles but its worth a shot right? I've been doing lots of reading up on this little trick and I've read some interesting stuff on it. Some people say it doesn't really matter legs up or down as long as you don't stand up right away and just relax after in bed it will help keep things in there. Others say this is exactly how they got pregnant but to be honest how does one even know that for a fact!! I'm sure there are many woman who have gotten pregnant and never did this so I don't know ... I'll still do it because ... well... I'm desperate haha
These are all things I plan on bringing up to my specialist when I meet her on the 27th of March. Which of all these silly ideas are going to make me a mommy if any of them! I wish I could snap my fingers and the 27th of March would be here because I want some answers and get things rolling here!!
Until the next post
BABY DUST :)
So one of the first things I tried out in hopes of helping us to conceive was the Diva Cup. For those that don't know exactly what it is well... it is a rubber cup (looks like a funnel) that woman use during they're period. The great thing about it is you keep this diva cup in for 12 hrs straight and just empty it out. Its genius no need to ever worry about running out of tampons or having to buy them for that matter AND no worries of leaking. Your probably wondering what it has to even do with conceiving, well word is online that if you insert the diva cup after doing the deed it will hold everything up in there and chances of a sperm attaching to your egg is greater. After reading this I went right out and picked up a diva cup which I think it was $25.00 or around there. Now this is where things get awkward, my first attempt at it was really scary ( now I can simply laugh about it!). I sat and read over the directions of how to insert this cup.... I think I had to read it over a few times and even youtube it cause I just stared at it wondering how this thing was going to even fit in me! My husband and I did our thing and then I kicked my husband out of the bedroom so I could try to get this thing in hahaha. Basically the easy part is putting the diva cup in BUT the taking out part .... that's a totally different story! After inserting I thought I would keep the cup in all night and remove in the morning. 12 hrs later I wake up and decide I need to take the cup out. Now I won't go into gory details but a bit of panic came over me when I couldn't get it out. Little did I know these bad boys suction on to your walls. To make things more complicated I had fake nails on so made things REALLY hard to get a good pinch on it haha. I called my husband in a panic telling him I couldn't get the darn thing out of me and that he was going to have to come home to help me or maybe take me to emerge. I think I would die of complete embarrassment having to go to the hospital. My husband in complete shock just kept asking "are you sure you can't get it out??". I had to get off the phone and thought okay I have to just do this and get it out. I finally got the diva cup out and huge sense of relief came over me. I cursed the dam thing and thought I would never use it again!! Well I did end up using it again, actually used it few more times. After getting the hang of it, it became way easier to insert and remove it. I got curious and decided I would ask my baby doctor what his thoughts were on the diva cup. When I asked him he had never heard of using the diva cup for what I was using it for and kind of laughed a bit. ( He must think I'm a crazy desperate woman) My baby doctor told me there is really no need to use the diva cup for that, when a male does his thang all the sperm that is going to attach will stay up there for at least 48 hrs. After hearing that I completely ditched my diva cup, although I do now use it during my periods and I will probably never go back to tampons or pads! I have saved so much money using the diva cup! My recommendation is to only use the diva cup for your periods NOT for conceiving!!
The next thing I tried out for conceiving was a product called "Pre-Seed". This product is meant for couples who are trying to conceive and need a little help with lubrication. Pre-seed works like cervical mucus to help sperm travel to the egg. Most other lubricants kill off sperm where as this stuff is meant to keep sperm strong and traveling to the right spot! In my research on the product a lot of woman gave this stuff a big thumbs up! So I figured I would give it a try even though I don't really have any issues with lubrication but suppose doesn't hurt to try. On the package it states to only use 2-3 g of it. Its kinda of cool though it comes with 9 syringes so that you don't get any of the product on your hands. I found that applying it was really easy and not messy at all. I will though say you definitely don't need 2-3g of this stuff!! I haven't used it again since I purchased it but when I do use it again I know now to only use like 1g of it or less. I asked my husband afterwards what his thoughts were on it and if it felt any different and he says didn't feel any different and would want me to use it again. I felt it made things a bit messy but if it helps my chances of pregnancy then I sure would use it again! Now this is my first cycle using Pre-Seed and if this cycle I got pregnant I would say it was mainly because of the pre-seed and my higher dose of Clomid.
A lot of my friends told me as well I need to put my legs up in the air after doing the deed. I know some of my pals that read this will know who they are hahaha! Anyways I have been doing this little trick every time my husband and I are intimate and my husband tends to look at me as though I've lost my dam marbles but its worth a shot right? I've been doing lots of reading up on this little trick and I've read some interesting stuff on it. Some people say it doesn't really matter legs up or down as long as you don't stand up right away and just relax after in bed it will help keep things in there. Others say this is exactly how they got pregnant but to be honest how does one even know that for a fact!! I'm sure there are many woman who have gotten pregnant and never did this so I don't know ... I'll still do it because ... well... I'm desperate haha
These are all things I plan on bringing up to my specialist when I meet her on the 27th of March. Which of all these silly ideas are going to make me a mommy if any of them! I wish I could snap my fingers and the 27th of March would be here because I want some answers and get things rolling here!!
Until the next post
BABY DUST :)
Thursday, February 27, 2014
A Few Little Steps
Alright I'm just going to lay things out on the line... I have sat here staring at this blank page trying to figure out how to start this blog. The topic I have chosen to blog about is not an easy one for me to talk about (minus with my family and close friends) but at times I have felt so alone in this process that I'm hoping that someone will jump up and tell me they are going through this RIGHT NOW. I'm very lucky to have people surrounding me to help and support me but at the same time when dealing with infertility no one really understands what one is feeling threw all this.
I guess I'll start at the beginning of my journey (as its been over a year of trying). Back in my early 20's I always knew there was something wrong going on with my lady parts (hah!), I constantly would go months on end with no period or signs of it coming. At the time I thought it was the greatest thing ever cause I never had to worry about that monthly monster. After a few years I started to get curious as to why it wasn't coming and to boot I had met my husband and like any normal girl I started thinking WAYYY ahead. I made an appointment with my family doctor who had told me it was nothing to worry about and that it was just stress. My doctor would set me up with birth control but I never took it as I could never remember taking the dam pill so I just never bothered. I took her word on the stress thing and didn't think about it for another year when it started to become more of a topic with my husband and I. We had set up another appointment with my family doctor and we both went in and just straight up asked are we going to have issues with fertility. With no tests done my doctor assured us we would be okay, just might take a little longer then normal. Once again walked out and felt confident with her answer. We then started trying, not thinking about anything just if it happened well... then it happened. After about 6 months I made another trip in to my family doctor who then finally decided it was time to book me for a internal ultrasound. I then found out I have Polycystic Ovary syndrome or for short PCOS. I was then referred to a baby doctor who started me on Metformin 1000mg. Now anyone that has taken it WOW is all I can say ... the first few weeks on it was pretty awful! I had the joy of nausea and reaaaaaaallly bad diarrhea!! I honestly would be at work and racing to use a bathroom. After suffering through that for 4 months nothing had happened. No period, no ovulation, and no baby :( I was starting to feel pretty hopeless because my family doctor had told us we would go on metformin and it would happen in no time (so disappointing that wasn't the case!). So my husband and I made another appointment with our baby doctor who then decided it was time to kick it up a notch and start me on clomid 50mg. At that point I was taking metformin 1000mg, clomid 50mg, and prenatal vitamins. I was feeling pretty good with the new medication I was put on. I totally had thought this has got to be it, this is what is going to make things happen. I then went out and purchased a very expensive ovulation kit in hopes that my chances would be even better and to make my chances even better I got myself a thermometer to check my temps! I FINALLY had gotten a positive ovulation test and of course made sure my husband got his arse home so we could try. Its insane the tricks your mind plays on you when all you do is pray your pregnant. I felt just about every symptom you would feel if you were pregnant and when the day came to test .... Big FAT Negative. I tried to stay strong as I didn't want my husband to feel that this was totally consuming everything in me. The next cycle rolled around and I got another positive for ovulation and did the deed and another Big fat negative. It was one right after the other of disappointment.
After all the negatives I have gotten I basically feel stone cold.... to be honest I can't even put words to it to be honest. I look around and all I see are pregnant woman and babies and I look at myself and I begin to wonder whats wrong with me.... is this God letting me know that I'm not meant to have a child or that I shouldn't??? Did I curse myself in my younger years when I let it be known to everyone I was NEVER going to have kids cause I thought they ruined marriages, because I take that all back I do want them!!!
My heart aches and even though I have an amazing husband I just feel incomplete. I feel as though my husband and I have so much we can give but we can't.... well at least not right now.
Anywho after 4 months of clomid we were back to see the baby doctor who then let it be known that our next step is to head off to Mount Sinai Fertility clinic to see where we go from here and further my testing.
I've become numb to this all so I'm not overly excited for the appointment but feeling happy with seeing a new doctor and getting another opinion. In the mean time until our appointment which is in 3 weeks my doctor gave me a higher dosage of clomid so I'm now on 100mg for cycle days 3-7.
On a positive note having a higher dose of clomid increases my chances of multiples. Which would be cool get it all done in one shot, right? I think my mother would die if that happened haha!
I know writing this blog will more then likely get some comments and I just want to state if you are going to say anything please don't make it about adoption, or just relax, blah blah blah... I have heard it ALL!
*I understand adoption is a great option for infertility BUT there is a large bump I would have to get over and that is not being able to experience pregnancy. It has crossed our minds and we shall see where this road takes us... who knows maybe that will be our final decision....
Until next time (hopefully with great news!!)
BABY DUST!
I guess I'll start at the beginning of my journey (as its been over a year of trying). Back in my early 20's I always knew there was something wrong going on with my lady parts (hah!), I constantly would go months on end with no period or signs of it coming. At the time I thought it was the greatest thing ever cause I never had to worry about that monthly monster. After a few years I started to get curious as to why it wasn't coming and to boot I had met my husband and like any normal girl I started thinking WAYYY ahead. I made an appointment with my family doctor who had told me it was nothing to worry about and that it was just stress. My doctor would set me up with birth control but I never took it as I could never remember taking the dam pill so I just never bothered. I took her word on the stress thing and didn't think about it for another year when it started to become more of a topic with my husband and I. We had set up another appointment with my family doctor and we both went in and just straight up asked are we going to have issues with fertility. With no tests done my doctor assured us we would be okay, just might take a little longer then normal. Once again walked out and felt confident with her answer. We then started trying, not thinking about anything just if it happened well... then it happened. After about 6 months I made another trip in to my family doctor who then finally decided it was time to book me for a internal ultrasound. I then found out I have Polycystic Ovary syndrome or for short PCOS. I was then referred to a baby doctor who started me on Metformin 1000mg. Now anyone that has taken it WOW is all I can say ... the first few weeks on it was pretty awful! I had the joy of nausea and reaaaaaaallly bad diarrhea!! I honestly would be at work and racing to use a bathroom. After suffering through that for 4 months nothing had happened. No period, no ovulation, and no baby :( I was starting to feel pretty hopeless because my family doctor had told us we would go on metformin and it would happen in no time (so disappointing that wasn't the case!). So my husband and I made another appointment with our baby doctor who then decided it was time to kick it up a notch and start me on clomid 50mg. At that point I was taking metformin 1000mg, clomid 50mg, and prenatal vitamins. I was feeling pretty good with the new medication I was put on. I totally had thought this has got to be it, this is what is going to make things happen. I then went out and purchased a very expensive ovulation kit in hopes that my chances would be even better and to make my chances even better I got myself a thermometer to check my temps! I FINALLY had gotten a positive ovulation test and of course made sure my husband got his arse home so we could try. Its insane the tricks your mind plays on you when all you do is pray your pregnant. I felt just about every symptom you would feel if you were pregnant and when the day came to test .... Big FAT Negative. I tried to stay strong as I didn't want my husband to feel that this was totally consuming everything in me. The next cycle rolled around and I got another positive for ovulation and did the deed and another Big fat negative. It was one right after the other of disappointment.
After all the negatives I have gotten I basically feel stone cold.... to be honest I can't even put words to it to be honest. I look around and all I see are pregnant woman and babies and I look at myself and I begin to wonder whats wrong with me.... is this God letting me know that I'm not meant to have a child or that I shouldn't??? Did I curse myself in my younger years when I let it be known to everyone I was NEVER going to have kids cause I thought they ruined marriages, because I take that all back I do want them!!!
My heart aches and even though I have an amazing husband I just feel incomplete. I feel as though my husband and I have so much we can give but we can't.... well at least not right now.
Anywho after 4 months of clomid we were back to see the baby doctor who then let it be known that our next step is to head off to Mount Sinai Fertility clinic to see where we go from here and further my testing.
I've become numb to this all so I'm not overly excited for the appointment but feeling happy with seeing a new doctor and getting another opinion. In the mean time until our appointment which is in 3 weeks my doctor gave me a higher dosage of clomid so I'm now on 100mg for cycle days 3-7.
On a positive note having a higher dose of clomid increases my chances of multiples. Which would be cool get it all done in one shot, right? I think my mother would die if that happened haha!
I know writing this blog will more then likely get some comments and I just want to state if you are going to say anything please don't make it about adoption, or just relax, blah blah blah... I have heard it ALL!
*I understand adoption is a great option for infertility BUT there is a large bump I would have to get over and that is not being able to experience pregnancy. It has crossed our minds and we shall see where this road takes us... who knows maybe that will be our final decision....
Until next time (hopefully with great news!!)
BABY DUST!
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