Hello folks!!
Its been wayyyy to long since my last post and so much for me to share. I'm kind of bursting at the seams to share, not that its huge news of being pregnant.... though I wish that were it! After all the testing and weird awkward appointments, 2 weeks ago Jamie and I had the BIG appointment to hear whether we have any other issues going on (other then PCOS and Hypothyroidism).
The night before I couldn't sleep, I had a million scenarios going threw my head, will I ever get to be a mommy?? I hugged my little dog Percy and thought maybe you will be the only baby I get to have in this life. Which I would be somewhat okay with because she is just so dam cute, but unlike children dogs have very limited time on earth... what would I do when she's gone... Anyways keeping on track here haha , I finally settled to sleep and before you know it my alarm had gone off and it was time to hit the road. We decided to maybe ease the mood and stop in at the Eaton Center and do a little retail therapy. I didn't buy anything other then a book from Chapters, I just couldn't stop thinking about was going to happen in our appointment.
We made our way over to the clinic and was called in by my doctors intern. We were told that everything looks great my uterus looks good, the rest of my blood work was good, lots of eggs. So then what was the issue.... well my issue is I'm not ovulating.... no eggs are dropping. Any period that I was getting was called a break threw period which is when the lining in your uterus gets so thick that the only thing for it to do is have a period. ( So no egg is being released ). I was heartbroken.... well I still am. All these month's of ovulation tests and taking Clomid, and trying to nail down ovulation .... ugh I wanted to cry because it was all for nothing. Of course my hubby spit out well how do we make her ovulate, how do we fix this??? That's when our doctor pulled out the pamphlets for injections. I knew before she even said anything this is now going to cost us a pretty penny to have a child. I find it sad that for couples who want a baby badly there is a price tag when being able to have a child should be a right for everyone and free! Anyways we were told that for these injections it would be about $1000 a cycle but we should find out at least if our health benefits would cover some of it. My doctor said also that these injections are a lot stronger then any oral fertility medication and if we did decide to go this route that I would have to come in on a regular basis to have internal ultrasounds done and blood work to track when I'm ovulating and to make sure my body is adjusting okay and that I'm NOT going to carry like 6 babies at once. I naturally thought okay lets do this, I want injected today but of course that is not how things work unfortunately (plus I was mid cycle). So this is our plan my doctor has set up for me: Once I get my period I'm suppose to take 250mg of Clomid. After that the following week I will be going 3x's to Toronto to have blood work and internal ultra sounds. This is all to double check that I'm not ovulating and if I do happen to ovulate on the high dose of clomid they are going to nail down the time and day we need to make a baby. If nothing happens then the next cycle will be my first month on injections. So we are REALLY hoping that the higher dose of clomid makes me ovulate to save us $1000 a month. The cool news is that I will be partnered up with a RN who is going to make all this a lot easier and get us in and out of the office a lot quicker. I suppose I can breathe a little knowing that there is a plan set out for us.
Its funny though both Jamie and I as we were sitting in the waiting room we both talked how we never thought in a million years we would be sitting in a fertility clinic in Toronto. I knew I had issues but I thought it was something that could be solved by my own doctor in Peterborough. You just kind of assume that it will be easy... I spent years avoiding pregnancy and protecting myself and now to know I didn't really need to stress over it because apparently my eggs don't want to leave my ovaries.
Well that was one of my exciting visits with Dr. Lui and tomorrow I meet with my endocrinologist Dr. Kumar ( I will kill Jamie if he makes a white castle joke to her haha) I'm not 100% on whats going to happen tomorrow, I didn't even know what a Endocrinologist was until I googled it. Basically all I was told was to bring ALL my medication and to expect my first appointment to be about an hour or 2. I look forward to getting some answers in regards to my low energy, and being tired all the time. I did however read up on hypothyroidism and pregnancy and apparently I would need to see my endocrinologist every 4 weeks to check my thyroid so I don't have a miscarriage. That kind of freaked me out but definitely worth asking Dr. Kumar tomorrow about!
That's all I got for updates right now, I still feel sad that I'm not looking down at my tummy and seeing a baby bump or even holding my own baby. I cry not because I'm feeling sorry for myself but I feel sad because I can't give my husband a child of his own ( I know Jamie doesn't care about that or anything but I do I want to be able to give him that gift and I can't ... at least until something works for me). I cry because my heart aches for a baby and every time I open the top drawer in my spare dresser and see the baby stuff I have purchased just sitting unused. It doesn't seem to get any easier... sometimes feels like I'm mourning a baby I've never had and just never getting over it.
Anyways Baby dust xoxoxoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment